• Clare

HOW TO PRACTICE BONDAGE IN REAL LIFE

Go on, be honest with us. You’ve thought about it, haven’t you? Bondage, BDSM, S&M —  from 50 Shades of Grey to Rihanna, it seems like everyone’s doing it… and you’ve gotten yourself all tied up in curiosity.


Well, take it from us, you’re not the only one. In fact, most UK couples have experimented with some form of bondage before — be it handcuffs, blindfolds or even whips and paddles. On top of this, fans of bondage reportedly have good mental health, and have a strong overall sense of wellbeing.

So, if you’re curious, why not give it a go? Bondage doesn’t have to be some scary, unknown thing — it’s actually pretty easy to introduce light BDSM to your regular lovemaking. We’re here to help you get started, so strap in, and get ready to indulge your dark side.


UNDERSTANDING BONDAGE AND BDSM

For some couples, there may be a bit of a dark shadow cast over the world of bondage. If you get excited by the idea of it but you’re a bit nervous about entering into the scene, we can help you understand what it’s about and why you shouldn’t be apprehensive about giving it a go, if you want to.


The terms bondage and BDSM can refer to a number of different disciplines and are often used to describe:


B&D – Bondage and Discipline – Bondage is the use of restraints to enhance sexual pleasure, and  Discipline is the use of punishment or reward in response to a set of rules. This includes play as light as handcuffs or spanking (so you may have already dabbled in some light BDSM!).


D&S – Dominance and Submission – This form of BDMS emphasises power play, with the submissive partner surrendering control to the dominant one in some or all aspects of the activity.


S&MSadism and Masochism – this is the enjoyment of giving or receiving physical sensations that sometimes border on, or are directly linked to, pain. Light S&M is less scary than it sounds though, with hair pulling, spanking, scratching and biting all included in this category.

So, you may have already experimented with BDSM in the bedroom without even realising it! But don’t worry if it’s all entirely new to you – there’s a first time for everything.


COMPLETE COMMUNICATION

Contrary to what you may see in films or read in erotic novels, those interested in the world of BDSM will never go from a few flirty remarks to a full-on spanking, whipping BDSM sex session. As everyone who practises BDSM knows, prior communication is the absolute key in all situations.


Before you begin any kind of BDSM activity, you need to ensure you and your partner communicate openly and honestly with each other. Each give each other a detailed description of your wants and desires, as well as anything you feel uncomfortable doing or being involved in.

Speaking of boundaries, we cannot emphasise enough the importance of having a safe word. Whether you want to go for the traffic light system (using green when you’re fine with a situation, Amber when you want something to slow down or decrease in intensity, and red when you want all activity to come to a full stop), or pick a word that you both stick to, figure this out before you begin any activity. Try to pick an obscure word that has no link to sex and helps bring you both back to reality – we find adjectives that rarely pop up in sex (like cheese or unicorn) work best.


START SLOWLY

We totally get it – you’re itching to get started. However, for those not used to the scene, it’s important to start with light BDSM to really get a feel of what you like, dislike, and want to dive further into. Next time you get between the sheets, we recommend starting with:

1. Some light hair pulling

2. Spanking or being spanked with hands

3. Being blindfolded during sex

4. Loosely having your hands tied or tying your partner’s hands during foreplay


There’s no point diving straight in before you discover what you enjoy, and you can use the beginning of you BDSM journey to discover whether you like heightened or dulled sensations,  restraining or being bound or being submissive or dominant.

Then, you can stick to light bondage or if you want to, or take things to the next level.


DISCOVER YOUR DARK DESIRES TOGETHER

If you want more than just a taste, then we can help. Investing in some bondage tools, such as bondage sets or restraint kits can help heighten your pleasure even further and introduce you to a new range of products you may have never thought you needed.

Trying out a whip, cane or paddle in spank play will make you feel much more authentic, whether you’re the one giving or receiving. Even light, gentle sensations will drive you or your partner wild.  


If you think S&M is your thing, clamps will become your new best friend. Nipple or clit clamps may seem a little intimidating at first, but the adjustable ones will ensure you get all the enhance sensations while always being in control.


If you’re enjoying this kind of play, you may want to take things even further. Check out our Guide to Bondage for some tips on edging, electricity play and humiliation play.


UNDERSTANDING AFTERCARE

An incredibly important part of BDSM that beginners can sometimes overlook is the aftercare. Even light BDSM can be intense, on both the body and the mind, so you must always take the time afterwards to look after each other’s needs and help one another get “back to reality”.

This may include physical soothing, kissing and cuddling, and making sure both of you feel safe and loved. It’s also important to discuss what you’ve just done, including any feelings you had (good or bad), and anything you want to change in future.


So, from some light hair pulling to indulging in whips and chains, BDSM has something for all different tastes. Figure out what you like, then decide together if you want to take things up a level.

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